I have to admit, this bi-monthly column business is a new experience for me, and I have a few things to learn. A week ago, my producer, Hugh Holman, caught up with me and demanded to know the next song I planned to critique. The frantic pace of the holiday season prompted me to blurt out the first thing that came to mind. "ELVIS!" I imagined that I would have plenty to say about the man that so skillfully manipulated the world into accepting rock and roll music and the immoral lifestyle that accompanied it.
Two days ago, I was thinking about the similarities between Elvis and Jesus Christ. Figuring this was a great angle, I composed a brilliant and amusing editorial and feeling oh-so self assured, slid the text under Hugh's office door. I stood outside for nearly an hour, knowing that it was well worth the wait for the compliments that were obviously in store. Finally, a somber-faced Hugh emerged and waved me over. "I'd like to show you something," he said, and led me to his personal computer. He opened a major search engine, and to my horror there were hundreds of websites listing the striking similarities between Jesus Christ and Elvis, and many were not unlike my own!
Not knowing what else to do, I begged Hugh to let me go after Barbra Streisand and Barry Gibb (together) instead. "Nothing doing," Hugh firmly told me, "The audio and graphics have been completed, and you'll have that piece ready in 24 hours, or else!"
Well, here it is, 24 hours later, and I have determined that I have nothing to say.