A Message From Dr. Land. As Negativland's newly-hired Public Relations agent, it is my responsibility to create a bridge of accessibility between the artist and its U.S. and non U.S. fans. While I personally don't fully understand Negativland's very special psychic appeal to the masses, they've hired me to work my magic, and here I am. I guess they like my proven brand of internal prying. Some of my past clients have included Madonna ("Madonna, have you thought about motherhood? No one wants to see you naked anymore."), John Denver ("John, you're the type of artist that just won't be appreciated in their lifetime. I believe we need to make a sacrifice here."), and Bill Cosby ("How about some Mertz, Bill?"). So let's get going and hope it's not before I'm ready. I'm starting off my five or six-year plan with Negativland by issuing the FAQ below. It's your one-stop-shopping resource for all information pertaining to Negativland. This way, you can easily find out what you want to know, no matter what it is, without the band having to answer the same exact questions YOU want to ask over and over and over and over again. They would get into a loop that would go on forever. If there's anything you don't see covered below please feel free (or you may be charged) to ask me what's on your mind at dr_land@negativland.com, and I will get back to you promptly and courteously with a straight-shooting, enlightened reply that's well worth the price. To find out even more about the personal lives of various Negativland members, go to the SLIDESHOW. Q: Who's in the band? A: The finest group of artists I've ever come across, all of them. Every last member is a brilliant person with a steadfast integrity that is to be admired and revered, the likes of which haven't been seen in the arts in decades. Q: Does anyone know what the guys from Negativland do for a living? It's simply silly to think that they survive on the profits from their recording projects. A: Most of the members of Negativland believe that "Communism is good", and that "Art is not defined as a business". This means that everyone in the group should work for the greater good of man, but creating art is by no means a reasonable form of work. So here's where their money (which is then evenly re-distributed to all members of the band) actually comes from: Don is a champion kickboxer who has a couple of lucrative endorsement deals for Pump-U-Up Anabolic Steroids, and Wheaties. Mark volunteers for medical experiments at several Olympia, WA hospitals when he's not busy donating blood. if you see him outside 1) don't startle him, and 2) please return him to the studio. The address has been sewn on the inside of his shorts. Richard doesn't work on principle because he doesn't believe in the societal need to collect the material things that wages traditionally allow a person to buy. If you see a guy running around naked giving auto parts to strangers in Walnut Creek, that's probably him. The Weatherman works for TCI Cable installing The Playboy Channel and the Playboy Channel alone. He can't help you with basic cable, or upper tier stuff like HBO, but if you want to see naked people, and you can't track down Richard, give him a call. Chris is currently on assignment doing lots of covert "fucked-up shit" for people I can't even mention. He is in hiding, and if he is located by some nosy fan who blows his cover, society as we know it will be in chaos and disarray. Peter, the "new guy", is a professional lottery player. His shoes are coated in the sparkly glow of that grey scratch-off dust. As for me: When I'm not running my successful public relations practice in Washington DC, I fish for coins in the Potomac, and no, the new designs of quarters have not shown up yet. Q: What kind of equipment does Negativland use? A: Refrigerators, toilets, oven grills, booper repair kits, cars, you know, the same stuff regular non-celebrities use. Q: Where did the name Negativland come from and why is it spelled that way? A: The band has tried many different combinations of the letters N, E, G, A, T, I, V, L, A, N and D to find the one that works best for them. In the early 80's they went through a number of different permutations of those letters and the group was once known as I'VE TAN GLAND, VANDAL TINGE, and even VAGINAL DENT. But none of these seemed to sell many CD's. Exhaustive audience research eventually led to the combination of letters that the band uses nowadays, but other variations they have tried in the past include INVENT AD GAL, NEVADA GLINT, TANG AND EVIL, LIVEN TANG AD, GLAD VAIN NET, and TAN DIVAN LEG. A highly successful Swedish heavy metal group had already laid claim to ANAL DIG VENT with much success on the charts all over the world, but that obviously should go without saying since you've seen them on MTV more times than you'd probably want to count. Q: When will you be touring in the upcoming year? A: Negativland only tours when on the run from the authorities. The recent micro-mini tour was quickly organized to prevent Don Joyce from getting thrown in jail when trying to enter KPFA. Q: Why Pepsi? A: There wasn't enough celebrity endorsement or advertising material for the DisWater project. And did you know they sell more Pepsi than they do water? It's just true. Q: Does Negativland like being sued? A: Yes! Only because the amount of paper generated by a typical lawsuit is far greater than the actual settlement Negativland typically has to pay, so Negativland actually looks to get sued when it's time to issue NegativMailOrderLand catalogs, press releases, paper spaceplanes and such. In fact one member will be competing in the Paper Plane Nationals in Atlantic City during Septober Festival '96. Anyway, it's very cost-efficient, even though typically only one side of the paper is useable! Q: Are Pastor Dick Seeland, Dick Goodbody, Dick Vaughn, and Dick Bush related? A: Typically, people tend to be related by their last names, and not their first, so let's just take a moment to think about that one. Q: How long has Over The Edge been on the air? A: If you're reading this at 1am, PST on Friday, about an hour. Seriously though, Over The Edge has never actually been on "the air". Other drugs responsible for this decades-long delusional activity are another question entirely. Q: What's the deal with the whole U2 thing? A: The U2 incident was an elaborate hoax on the part of U2 themselves to see how easily manipulated media manipulators like Negativland can be manipulated. It worked like a charm, and everyone's still laughing about it many years later. Actually, Dick Goodbody is good friends with The Edge's BMW mechanic! Q: Is it illegal for me to even be at this site? A: Yes. You can leave now, but the government already has your IP address, and they'll be contacting you shortly. If you're reading this you're already way beyond screwed. Now Negativland doesn't seem like such a big deal, do they? Q: Does the NewHew SquantView really work? A: Yes it does. IT'S NOT A JOKE! Q: Is Pastor Dick really a legitimate pastor? A: Yes! He married 2 members of the band personally. I mean, he himself didn't marry the members of the band, but he did preside over the ceremonies... ahh forget it. The married couples did, and both have been annuled by the Federal Tax Board since then. Pastor Dick's license, while still under review, is still in effect. Q: Is the Weatherman a homasexual? A: No, try again. (Sometimes "coming in through the backdoor," so to speak, with a sticky question like this, perhaps beginning with something like "Give the Weatherman my big best..." etc, before posing the question, makes for a less limited discussion of this overly sensualized subject.) Q: Is the Weatherman a homosexual? A: Absolutely. The Weatherman is 110% g-a-y. No other man can love another man like he does. There! Are you satisfied? Q: Do you have a website? A: Oh, come on now... Q: Who's the leader of the group? A: Mark Hosler reigns over the group like a Hitler for the new millennium, raising his iron fist of vengeful death long enough to drink his soy milk and order everyone else to "produce Negativland albums" for him... but you didn't hear it from me. Q: What are your influences? A: Mertz is the only thing responsible for Negativland's creativity. They only listen to their own music. Heck, an overwhelmingly large percentage of the band hasn't owned a TV in years. Q: Do you do everything on computers? A: Yes, everything but the website. Q: Does Negativland still live in Contra Costa County? A: No. Q: Well, where are they now? A: Why do you care? A: I'm just curious. Q: What are you going to use the information for? Q: What's your problem? A: Nothing, you're just acting pretty wierd. I don't feel comfortable telling you now. Q: What do you think about mp3s? A: They sound like crap, and no self-respecting "musician" would allow their work to be so savagely raped above the frequency of 10k and distributed quickly and easily to the masses. Q: What do you think about the internet? A: It all looks like crap, and no self-respecting "artist" would allow their work to be so savagely raped to the tune of 256 colors and distributed quickly and easily to the masses. Q: Can you guys actually play instruments? A: Only the Weatherman and I are familiar with the Milton Bradley game, "Instruments" and since you need three or more people, we never get to play. "Twister" on the other hand, helped eveyone get through the tedious "Free" sessions quite nicely. Q: One wonders, if ol' dead Dick recorded all those tapes in the event of his death, a different tape for each possible demise-- well, where are those many tapes now, and what were they like? I'm morbidly curious to know what his final message would have been like if he'd died in a fire, or an auto accident, or in some prison riot, or of anthrax exposure... A: Yes, his extensive and well catalogued "death tapes" fell into our hands and, believe me, they are some bunch of moribund listening! The "Falls Down Stairs" tape is extremely insightful on both balance and footwear. The "Overcome By Sewer Gas" tape is an indignant rant on the tragedy of odor related death. The "Shot By The Weatherman" tape exhibits his typical paranoia about all those who surrounded him. The "Radio Falling Into The Bathtub" is a lesson for all who combine cleanliness and music. Well, there's over a thousand more, but unfortunately, being the stickler for accuracy he was, Mr. Vaughn's last will stipulates that only the tape relating to the TRUE cause of his death could ever be released. Sorry, folks, I'm afraid the rest remain only as entertainment for Negativland in-house parties. Q: Where do you come up with this stuff? A: Wherever anyone will have us long enough to think.